Sitcom B Plots
Breaking news: Things I've worked on for several weeks are much better than things I've just written.
A thing that’s working for me: Static sheets
Static sheets are sheets of paper you can stick to any wall with just static. No whiteboards, no blue-tack. You can write on them in marker, erase the writing for a few minutes, then it’s permanent.
Katie Brown introduced me to them during a TV writers’ room workshop. I use them for plotting out story beats and writing down ideas for characters when I’m really stuck.
A thing I’m working on: A sitcom B plot
Sitcom Mission have opened their annual 15-minute sitcom competition once again and I’ve made good progress with the A plot (Essex witches steal the Basildon sign for Hollywood-themed gala).
The B plot, however, is still total mess, as you may have observed from the above braindump.
I’m not even totally sure what it is yet. Essex warlock tries to persuade Viking goddess to be his date to the gala is the current plan. I’ve written a first draft of most of the scenes, and as with all my first drafts, it is very terrible. It also looks particularly crap next to the A Plot scenes, which have all been lovingly polished over several weeks when I’ve been procrastinating on other more important projects.
But I do – through gritted teeth – know that the more I work on it, the better it will get.
The more pressing problem is how to get the A Plot and B Plot to meet at the end of the script in a satisfying but not-at-all-expected way. Also it must be funny. And wrapped up in 15 minutes.
Thankfully the deadline is in April.
A thing I’m enjoying: What We Do in the Shadows
The final series is out now on BBC iPlayer, and in fact may have been for some time as the BBC chose not to advertise that fact. The vampire sitcom is at its best when it’s in story-of-the-week mode - usually the vampires get in a mix-up about some aspect of modern-day Staten Island and their familiar Guillermo has to sort it out. Matt Berry claims he only does weird pronunciations as Laszlo to amuse himself on different takes, but whatever the reason, listening to him mispronounce ‘Arizona’ is a thing of joy.
A thing I’m doing to build connections: Find an agent I want to contact
It is time. It is time for me to do the thing that I want to do the least. I would rather chew off my own hand than do this thing.
If I want an agent, I must reach out to agents. If you are an agent reading this, please for the love of God, spare me this torment and reach out to me instead.
But I’m not going to put ‘reach out to agents’ as my task. What am I, Superwoman? That’s far too scary. Instead, I’m going to research agents and find one – can be more than one, but must be at least one – that I would like to represent me. Baby steps.
P.S. – Sure, I’m socially awkward, but to be nice to myself for just one second, I don’t think all this social awkwardness is entirely on me. Producers and agents say contradictory things all the time and don’t seem to realise that the so-called obvious advice they’re giving often varies from company to company. Sending unsolicited stuff is verboten. Sending unsolicited stuff is the only way to get through. Meeting up for a coffee to chat would be lovely. Never suggest just a chat – what’s the point of that? THIS IS A MINEFIELD.
May I suggest that you all get together and do one of the following:
Option A – Set out clear rules for how you want people to engage with you that are THE SAME and CLEARLY PUBLICISED throughout the industry.
Option B – Realise that the whole thing is a mess and be gracious and kind if someone accidentally breaks an unspoken rule of etiquette.
Thank you in advance for your co-operation.
Did I do the things from the connection-building things from before? Yes x 2
I did go to the Royal Court Theatre Writers’ Canteen like the brave little bear I truly am.
The organisers did a little speech at lunch about how it would be nice if we all talked to people we didn’t know before/talked at all instead of staring at our laptops. This was absolutely the right call as the room was FILLED TO THE BRIM with introverts.
I had a great time chatting to Talulla White and Dulcie Godfrey of Nipslip Productions who run a monthly alternative comedy night at The Cavendish Arms. Topics of conversation: Sid the Sloth, naked clowns and the innate contradiction of wearing cammo with red lipstick.
I also asked a couple of writer friends if they wanted to up again for more writing. Will my bravery ever end?
Hello, I am new to Substack, so forgive me if I am unaware of the proper ediquette. I am intrigued by your dilemma of reaching out to agents. Please do not chew your hand off.
I face a similar challenge. I feel ashamed when I say, I would love to get my writing out there and get paid.
I want to be funny, or at least I think I am funny, but wonder if anyone else thinks the same?
Anywho, I have decided to follow you and track your journey. Again hoping to learn.
So good luck from Canada.
The static sheets thing reminds me of PG Wodehouse’s writing process. He’d stick every page up around his study. They’d start down by the skirting board, and would work their way up towards eye level as he improved them. Presumably he did this one section at a time otherwise that’s one big study.