The Printer Goblin
He is real, he is annoying, and he deserves to have a sketch written about him
A thing that’s working for me: Patience
It’s not been an ideal couple of weeks for me, health-wise. It was just a small cold, but the reality of Long Covid means that any physical illness is likely to trigger another bout of CFS/ME which just compounds the original problem. This time I’ve avoided the loss of temperature control and the fatigue, but my body made up for it with joint pain and brain fog.
I must stress that I’m so much better than I was five years ago or even a couple of years ago. I only felt really bad with joint pain and brain fog for about three days. That would have been unthinkable back when I was regularly trapped in bed for weeks on end.
But because my cognitive function is so much better than it was then, I am much more aware of what I’m missing out on. I know what I’m like without the fog and I’m frustrated at having to be patient with myself.
But if I’m not patient, I’ll only make it worse. Because Long Covid doesn’t have a normal illness lifecycle – it’s not like a cold, where you’ll get better eventually almost no matter what. If I don’t rest properly – if I try to crack on with deadlines, if I try to work on a play, if I try to do rewrites - I will only increase the amount of time I’m unwell.
I must only do necessary things. And I must remind myself that five years ago there were days when the only necessary thing I could achieve was going to the toilet.
On this occasion, I felt ill around the time of the Next Level Sketch Best Of show. There had already been one cast change; if I pulled out, the show would have to be pulled as well. I wasn’t sure if I could retain the lines I had so painstakingly learned, but I turned up anyway and offered to read from my phone if needed. It was better than nothing.
Obviously, the Next Level Sketch team would have been fine if we’d had to cancel due to illness. And, of course, everyone was fine with providing the accommodations.
But I still feel a little silly and ashamed. Partly because it turned out I didn’t need to read from my phone – my brain behaved itself and the lines were all there. I felt like I was making a fuss over nothing. But it was better to have said something and then not needing help than to have said nothing and ended up needing help and it being too late.
Patience is my only option.
A thing I’m working on: Writing a sketch about The Printer Goblin
I am better now (thanks for asking) so I can get back to doing what I do best: procrastinating with one writing project by focusing on another. This time, I’m writing a sketch about The Printer Goblin – a monstrous trickster who we must appease if we wish to print. We must offer him multiple HP ink cartridges as presents, only for him to immediately gobble up all the cyan. We must answer the riddle of how there can be a paper jam when there is no paper in the tray. And we must accept that the Printer Goblin’s favourite time to print is three hours after you told him to print.
A thing I’m enjoying: Waiting for the Out
Waiting for the Out is a six-part BBC drama based on Andy West’s memoir The Life Inside about his experience teaching philosophy to men in prison. I have worked a lot with men in prison and ex-prisoners, so this is a world I know very well. The details are bang on. The whole thing is such a beautiful, powerful and non-hectoring exploration of masculinity and violence that I have only watched managed to watch three episodes so far because I have to leave pauses in between each episode to think about them some more.
Did I do the thing from last week to build connections? YES.
I did join the new writing group and it was also useful. In the first one, I’m focusing on writing my first play (fun, exciting!) and in the second I’m focusing on rewrites (necessary, evil).
A thing I’m doing to build connections: Email another sodding agent
Now that SNL UK has been such a hit, will agents will be more impressed that I was shortlisted for a writer job without having an agent? Let us hope.
The notification for this came up precisely when someone was pestering me about if they were allowed to use the printer. They also work here, so Yes.
Kudos for doing what you love despite chronic illness being an absolute jackass, not unlike the rando who interrupts your day to demand access to the printer he already has access to, admits he has no laptop to print from, and then tries to convince you that he should use yours. How I kept a straight face when he was talking at me as ‘The Printer Goblin’ lit up on my phone, the world will never know.
Long Covid. Argh. You too, eh? Geez, yes. It's incredibly frustrating. Time heals all wounds, sure, but this particular one gobbles a hell of a lot of it. Good for you for getting the essentials done anyway.